This is the first post.
The plan is to keep it to myself at first - I really don't quite know where this will lead to. And if nothing else, I think the name of the blog should tell that I dither and flounder and don't really want to give up on anything that makes me, me. So, the idea is to let it develop, somewhere in the ether, in the space between Google's servers and my head, just between the two of us and then see where it goes.
As I write this, late on a Sunday night and it could be any Sunday night for the monotony of the day that has passed, I am thinking about this blog and what makes me write it. There are the metallic cymbals outside, that couple with bugles and thudding drums, building to a rhythm that was good some four hours ago and now are just a painful headache what needs to be drowned by something lo-fi and ambient. The city doesn't disappear even in the confines of the walls making up my bedroom.
Anyway, there are some broad contours that I think I want to shape this blog by - guidelines if I will - that I think will help me complete posts, be regular at them. I don't think I'll ever learn to give up this need I have of being alone and at the same time I just feel that I need to let someone know, somebody that will understand and if not understand then at least know of the songs I listened to, the pictures I drew and the books I read. I want to write. I am not a man with a plan, indeed I am hopeless at drawing them up and then sticking to them. I want to be honest with myself here and try to explain what makes me laugh and who I am thinking of and I want to remember them for the times they were with me and the times I have made them cry and sometimes I just want to write about things that inspire me and things that make me forget. The idea is to explore, from within my mind, the things that I find wonderful and beautiful and meaningful and inexplicable. There are many such things. When I am not there, I want some people to read about them and maybe find a bit of the beauty, the meaning that I saw and I found, maybe see the explanation that I sought. So that's it really. I want to write each day - what I have realized is that a little bit everyday adds up to rather a lot. It's a way of keeping a record of myself, for myself for when I want to make sense of things.
A selfish endeavor then, I find out now. I am not surprised too much - people I have loved, in my selfish way, have told me that. I want to be honest though, let me see if I can manage that.
Today was Visarjan day.
2012-09-23
